I’m a Testin Page

Son, when you participate in sporting events, it’s not whether you win or lose: it’s how drunk you get. Whoa, slow down there, maestro. There’s a *New* Mexico? Look out, Itchy! He’s Irish! Our differences are only skin deep, but our sames go down to the bone.

Hi. I’m Troy McClure. You may remember me from such self-help tapes as “Smoke Yourself Thin” and “Get Some Confidence, Stupid!” Inflammable means flammable? What a country. Marge, just about everything’s a sin. Y’ever sat down and read this thing? Technically we’re not supposed to go to the bathroom.

I can’t go to juvie. They use guys like me as currency. Inflammable means flammable? What a country. Don’t kid yourself, Jimmy. If a cow ever got the chance, he’d eat you and everyone you care about! I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming.

Uh, no, you got the wrong number. This is 9-1…2. Human contact: the final frontier. I’m allergic to bee stings. They cause me to, uh, die. Fat Tony is a cancer on this fair city! He is the cancer and I am the…uh…what cures cancer?

Uh, no, you got the wrong number. This is 9-1…2. Attempted murder? Now honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel Prize for attempted chemistry? Marge, just about everything’s a sin. Y’ever sat down and read this thing? Technically we’re not supposed to go to the bathroom.

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